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SHOULDS should not be

‘Should’ is one word I’d like to delete from the English language.

‘Should’ is a verb, meaning “used to indicate obligation, duty or correctness; typically, when criticising someone’s actions”.

When I hear someone say, “I should” or “they should”, or that someone has told them “you should”, my ears prick up.

‘Should’ usually means I want something I’m not getting. Or that the person does not want to, and it’s someone else’s idea of what is required. It's a shorthand for a whole lot of other thoughts about what’s important and beliefs about things.

Should is judgemental and blaming. Should does not address the problem or lead to change.

A more helpful way of approaching would be is to replace should with ‘could’.

“I could if …….” “They could but ….”

“I would if ….” “They would but …..”

Could have, would have, should have!

We use ‘you should’ — well, at least I know I have caught myself using it! Now, as I think about it, I try to catch the ‘should’ before it exits my mouth. Instead, I try to ask what is most important? How do you want it to be? How could this be different? How does this work for you?

It goes from “someone told me I should” to “I will … because …. I get to decide, and I take ownership for my actions.”

So, ‘should’ is an unhelpful word.

Let’s start asking: What is important? How do we want the situation to be? How could we envision this differently? How does this work for me?

Openness and curiosity.

Who knows we might have some incredible insights.


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